Mind games

The last chance.
The end of the road.
Sucking it up.
Settling into the future.
It is what it is.
I had it good.
Things change.
Bodies are disappointing.
Constraints inspire creativity.

I've had the (last?) operation.  9th July will be the 3-month marker.

It has been quite a ride.
Gerald got ill.
He was scared that he might have something really wrong with him (he's hardly ever ill).  As he shared his fears, I calmed him by listening.  And by suggesting that whilst it may be the case that he would get iller, hurt, and die young - that this particular outcome was only one of a number, and really rather unlikely.

Gerald turned out to be going to get iller, hurt, and die young, as we discovered a few days later.

I changed what I was doing.
A lot of people helped a lot.
Gerald didn't really believe it.  And carried on.
I cared for him, with so much help.

Gerald went to the dentist, some months before he died.
The dentist gave him a plan, for getting his teeth in order over the next year or two; several thousand dollars' worth, as is usual.  Gerald had not told him he was ill.

Because Gerald didn't really believe it.

But, eventually, he discovered it to be true.
And, near the end, he trusted me with himself;  I knew it and felt it to be a precious gift, an almost unbelievable opportunity.  A completion of healing, on the road toward an untimely death.

Why now?  why am I going over old ground?
Possibly because I've recently had the second of two back operations, and it feels like the end of a road and the beginning of a new one.  And I don't know what the new one looks like yet; I haven't even really had a peek at the beginnings of the trail.
I want to be strong and healthy!  I know, on the other hand, that if I'm not, I want to pick up the burden and move, finding a way to carry it that makes it an enhancement to myself and my life.  I know what I want; I don't know how to do it. Yet.  Note to self:  this is not brave or courageous; it's simply a way of using a constraint effectively. Bread-and-butter creativity for architects.

Possibly because I've given Bruce, six-months-long-suffering mate and the first of the boyfriends to meet my children, access to this blog, as well as the old "http://www.surprisedbygerald.blogspot.co.nz/" blog.  Hoping that whilst I may be exposed, hypothermia won't ensue.
Possibly just because it's around 2 1/2 years since Gerald died (6th November, 2010), and I didn't remember on the date.  I think this is progress.  Or age.  Or self-pre-occupation.

Sophie's Scholar's badge (5 or more NCEA subjects achieved with excellence) was presented to her this morning by Stephen Joyce, along with those of many others at her school. She seemed happy to see me there. Alex let me hug him goodbye. Moments to pickle (concept (c) Christie Fountain).

There's always enough.

Don't get around (here) much anymore

Well! I don't write here any more.
I am not a twit (I don't tweet, I mean).

I can't write here because there's a mixed audience.
Facebook gets a little bit.
My own file gets a little bit (loismgt.doc, for anyone who ever hacks into my machine)
My little red notebooks get a little bit.
My friends get most of it - talking, texting, a little Skype and phone.

Work benefits from relaxation.
Play benefits from discipline.
The 4 together are a good starting mix.

Going to visit a few countries (Europe, US) in September will be play with a sharp dose of discipline, some relaxation.  It will be work inasmuch as developing myself is always a part of my work, never mind who is employing me.

And never mind, too, whether I am current a bojon. Or bojonning.  Or having a bojon time.
Whoever deigns/decides/tries/is fortunate enough to employ me next gets the benefit of all the self-growth and resilience gained prior.

Who else is in a serious mood?

Enjoy.

L