"Change happens in an instant." I keep wondering whether that is true. Even if not, even if the instant marks the awareness of change rather than the change itself, that would be fine. It would mean any single instant of the many ahead could be one where I find I've been positively transformed. There! it is. And again!
I have a lot of these moments - sweet, bright, welcome awarenesses that I am growing stronger. Becoming more resilient. Responsive and ready to help.
And then, I feel weighted down by my failings for a moment again. Some things really sting. Some hurts go on informing me for far longer than I'd rather. Missteps of the past are done, part of mine and others' history - there's no going back to correct them.
Today, I've had a rich experience of sadness and the agony of possibilities long gone. Triggered by my cookbooks, which record choices, failings, wishes and happenings with a richness that goes a way beyond a series of photos. I wish, though, anyway, that I had a photo of Gerald for every day of his last year.
Oh ...
Thank you (and Gerald) for your 6 years of blogging. It means a lot to me to be able to read your entries. I knew Gerald in high school so it's fantastic we can continue to remember him here. A digital memory seems so impermanent yet brings back floods of memories.
ReplyDelete